I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The uberlube is also flammable
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
