So gin and wine won't be happening again
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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