Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
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why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
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When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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