Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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