Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
