Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so explain again why im purple
no
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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