And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
