Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
