It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You smell like stripper and shame
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
