I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
