I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
