if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
