If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
