wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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