Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
