she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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