there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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