Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
