Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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