I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
