Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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