She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
