imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
