I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Drake has all the answers
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
