in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
