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My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
3 2 1 whiskey
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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