Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
