I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
