Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my shit smells like andre
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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