Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
