Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
