How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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