Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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