OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
