Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
