I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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