i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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