First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
