I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
