I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
