She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
