so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I met the friendliest cop last night
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
