I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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