I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
