I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
