So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
