Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
