I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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