So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Terrible idea I love it
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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