listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
