i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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