I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
