thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
