STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can't turn off my feet"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
