Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You made out with two different species that night
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
