i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
