If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
