Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
