words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
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Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
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you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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