He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
