Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize