p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
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We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
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A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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