Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
