Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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