thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
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Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
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it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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