I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
