small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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