They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
