So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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