I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Bring me that man meat
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
