god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
