i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
