And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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