Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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