omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
