did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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