you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
