i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
