Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
