Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
