My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
