Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
