all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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