today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
