I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Randomize
