I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
