yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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