k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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